


Alone with My Heart

by Klynn_stormz



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I Promise Happiness, and Cuteness, guys i have a problem, i needed angst, needed sadness too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22356541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klynn_stormz/pseuds/Klynn_stormz
Summary: To say that Killian Jones had lived a hard life was an understatement; to say that he was miserable because of it would be a lie. Having experienced so much loss, most would wonder why he still had so much life in him. It had occurred to him a time or two, just how alone he was, when those times came, he did what he did best - found the closest bar and drank until he forgot again. Emma Swan Changed his life
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Alone with My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should be working on Legally Swan, I really should. Do you ever have those moments where you need angst and sadness and then you just start writing?! Yeah that happened. I am only planning on maybe three or four parts (crossing my fingers and laughing at my naivety.) Any way I made this. Let me know what you think :)

To say that Killian Jones had lived a hard life was an understatement; to say that he was miserable because of it would be a lie. Having experienced so much loss, most would wonder why he still had so much life in him. It had occurred to him a time or two, just how alone he was, when those times came, he did what he did best - found the closest bar and drank until he forgot again. At 6 he had lost his mother to cancer, never having a chance to know her, vague memories of her hugging him sometime assailed him in his lonelier moments. At 8 his father left Killian and his sixteen year old brother Liam, they were separated, placed into different families by an unforgiving government. Within a few years he had lost his whole world. Four years later Liam found him; Liam was serving in the Royal Navy and had hired a private investigator to find his little brother, and took him in.

Killian had never expected to have a piece of his family back, for months afterwards he would wake up with nightmares that he was alone again. 30-year-old Killian liked to pretend that those nightmares didn’t still come at him. He was 15 when a naval officer came to their apartment with a flag in his arms and a solemn expression, and broke his world apart again. Three years of being bounced from orphanage to temporary homes gave him even less of a sense of stability. At 18 he met Milah, she took him on a whirlwind of an adventure. She made him feel loved, feel important, like he was somebody. That fell apart too, when he found out that she was married, that she had a child, and that she would never leave her husband for someone like him. At 20 he took everything he owned and sold it, except for the boat he and his brother had bought when he was 13, and without a thought to anything else, he moved across the world, to Boston Massachusetts.

He was reminded very clearly of everything he had lost as he stood in his nearly empty apartment. What had he been thinking? For a moment he had had hope, had felt happy and loved and everything. He had moved here for her, he had done everything for her, but now looking back he felt so foolish. He had been stupid to think that anything special could stay in his life. He was just meant to be alone, was meant to stay unloved. Everybody left.

\---

Killian met Emma Swan six months after moving there. She was two years younger, just out of the system, beginning her career as a bounty hunter. Their meeting wasn’t anything to set off fireworks too, it wasn’t a meet cute, it wasn’t movie worthy or worth mentioning at first. Both of them had walls miles high and pain they couldn’t seem to move past. He was having lunch at the park and happened to look up, seeing a man running a full speed towards him, he was interested enough to take a closer look, and saw the blonde woman chasing after him. Deciding to be helpful he stuck out his foot and tripped the man as he was passing. The man went flying, the woman—no the girl, she could not be more than 18 maybe younger— ran to him and pulled cuffs out of her bag. Killian’s eyebrows had risen and he watched with interest as the police eventually arrived and took the man into custody. She had briefly introduced herself and thanked him for helping. When she walked away, neither thought about it again.

Until a few months later when Killian had just finished his shift at the docks and went to a small hole-in-the-wall bar for a small drink, nearly 21 and the fake id worked well enough for now. As he was cooling down, he saw the blonde from the park, rather than the torn jeans and band t-shirt she wore a short, tight, red dress, her hair was curled around her beautiful face, green eyes gleamed as she took stock of the bar. When she saw him she blinked and then smiled, moving towards him. He let her make her way towards him and calculated what the look in her eyes meant.

“Hey, you’re the guy who helped me at the park right?” She asked, sitting down across from him.

“Aye, Love.” He responded. He wasn’t in the mood for conversations, nor for someone who was almost certainly a minor to flirt with him. He admitted his attraction to her, but he just could not bring himself to care about relationships, one night stands or anything of the sort. His hand worked well enough, and it didn’t rip his heart to shreds.

The blonde tucker a piece of her hair behind her ear while she eyes him carefully. After a brief glance towards the bar entrance, she took a seat and smiled apologetically. “I hope you don’t mind me sitting here, you don’t look in the mood for company, but in this stupid dress no guy is going to leave me alone. Mind if I just sit here?”

His eyebrow rose as he stared at her, then spoke bluntly. “Love, forgive me for being a little confused. You’ll have to explain why you are in fact, wearing that dress, in a dive bar all alone.”

Her lips quirked slightly. “I’m a bailbondsperson and tracking a skip. Supposedly, this bar is a usual hangout for the bastard.”

“I’m Killian.” He smiled and held out his hand. She took it and shook.

“I’m Emma.”

Well, that had the park incident making more sense. They continued to talk for the rest of the night, she occasionally would glance at the entrance to watch for the guy, whom, Killian had found out, had skipped out on child support a few to many times. They both got to know each other a bit more, talking briefly about why they were in Boston, not going to deep. It was the beginning of a friendship that lasted longer than anything Killian had ever know.

\---

He cared too much about her to risk her friendship by making a move, though he was deeply in love with her. She had a few relationships over the years, each one broke his heart a little more than the last, he had tried relationships as well, but no one compared to his best friend. Whenever she was in a relationship he could see her pulling away from him, she wouldn’t text him for days, she would ‘forget’ about their movie nights; then, inevitably, she would show up on his doorstep, broken hearted and in need of comfort. And no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how her silence had torn him up, he let her back in. Because Killian Jones was afraid, it was not something he would ever admit to anyone, not even his Swan, but he was afraid. Of being alone, of not being good enough, of failing. He had built up his personality to protect himself, flirting, teasing, pretending not to care. Because he couldn’t take the fear, and he couldn’t bear to let anyone see it.

Of course, that’s not to say he didn’t fight with her. Having a relationship with Emma Swan was in no way easy. Both had had a rough life, both were fairly untrusting at first, it took a few years before either were ready to admit that the other was all they had. They still had their spats, but for the most part, as the years had passed, they had cooled down. She was his whole world. At night, after she had gone back to her apartment, he would lay staring at the ceiling, praying to whatever was out there, that maybe he could become hers. And unbeknownst to him, Emma was wishing for the same thing, dreaming about piercing blue eyes and whispered words of love.

\---

It had been a slow Tuesday, Killian had finished up work on the docks late. Emma had the week off, having caught a lucrative skip the previous Friday. They were on her couch binging The Witcher on Netflix, a pizza box was on the coffee table, one piece of meat supreme left, two hot chocolate mugs were placed haphazardly next to the box. Emma was curled into Killian’s side (she claimed it was the most comfortable position, it helped that it got her closer to him). They were both relaxed and on the verge of sleep when a knock sounded on her front door. She groaned while Killian shifted up to get the door. Once he was standing Emma dramatically fell sideways on the couch and buried her face in a pillow.

“Make them go away.” She groaned, making him laugh.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when opening the door, but it definitely wasn’t a couple in their early 40’s, clutching each other’s hands. The man stood taller than the woman, around Killian’s height, his brow was furrowed as he took in Killian, and his arm tightened subtly around the woman. Killian saw a glint of a wedding ring, and the way they were holding each other led him to believe they were married. The woman stared confused at Killian, he could see worry flickering through her eyes.

“Can I help you?” Killian asked, slightly annoyed at the silence of the two.

“We’re looking for Emma Swan.” The man stated.

“We were told she lives here. Who are you?” The woman piped in.

“What do you need her for?” Killian felt an urge to protect her, something inside him told him that this couple was going to change everything.

“It doesn’t matter to you,” The man snapped. “We want to see Emma, now.”

Killian narrowed his eyes at them. “You’re not talking to her until you tell me why you are here.”

“Killian? Who’s at the door?” Emma called, she had made her way off of the couch and walked up behind him, staring suspiciously at the couple.

“They’re here for you, won’t tell me why though.” He spoke without taking his eyes of the strangers. His gut was churning with anxiety.

“Emma.” The woman whispered, her eyes saucer wide and quickly filling with tears.

“That’s me, what do you want?” The tears made her uncomfortable, she sidled closer to Killian, not out of fear, but for support for whatever was going to come.

“Emma…” The man cleared his throat. “We—we’re your parents.”

“Excuse me?” Emma choked out.

“It’s true sweetheart!” Said the woman, “We are your parents, oh honey look at how grown you are.” The woman’s tears finally spilled over.

“I—I can’t… I need to go.” Emma looked sick, she turned and ran to her bedroom. Killian looked back to the couple, they looked hurt, but he didn’t really care.

“Please, just give her our number. We’ve been looking for her for a few years and we want—“

“It doesn’t matter what you want, it matters what she wants.” Killian cut them off.

“Who are you and what are you to my daughter?” The man demanded.

“You don’t have the right to that question, you lost that right when you abandoned her. If she wants to talk to you she will. If she wants you to leave her alone, you will.” Killian took the offered number from the woman’s hand, shut the door in their faces. He set the number on the table as he passed and rushed to Emma’s room. She was sitting curled on the bed, staring at the wall. He sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, curling her into his side. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need too. All he needed to do was sit right here and be with her, for as long as she'd let him.


End file.
